My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
