just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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