You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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