The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
