I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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