wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
