Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
