im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
