his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
