I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
