Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
