Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize