so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
