Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
