Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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