is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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