i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
