Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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