hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
