now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
