he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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