dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
