The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
