when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
