So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
