What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
