I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
