I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
