Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's always time for handjobs
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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