New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
