you guys were way drunker than both of me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize