My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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