then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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