I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
