Duck Duck Cougar?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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