Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Randomize
