she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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