Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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