think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just sent this text using only my big toe
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
