Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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