no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
