Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
