Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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