All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
