Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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