I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
