After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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