break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
