either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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