I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
