Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
3pm strippers are depressing
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
