i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i dont even know how to be here
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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