Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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