I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
