i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
