alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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