I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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