wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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