That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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