When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
