I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize