No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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