why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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