I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
