so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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