Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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