how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish i was in the wii world.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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