It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
