Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
