I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
