So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
