so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
