Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
