Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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