it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
