your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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