Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
